What Brought Us Together, Why am I Here?
- Mira Juana
- Nov 25, 2020
- 3 min read
It was more than drinking and using illegal drugs like cocaine and heroin for the crowds I grew up in. What started as a group of adolescents, running the streets, looking to escape from shit we knew nothing about, became something far more widespread and ongoing. Those kids got licenses, jobs and cars and they all had kids, but most of the guys never evolved, most of the girls never broke out. Our crew spanned generations, teens, moms, dads, uncles, cousins; and we covered many miles. I moved far FAR away and before I knew it I was back in the hood, living hard, deep in the darkness! I was absolutely fucking broken, by insides felt shattered, my heart felt empty and I know I was toying with death, I just didn't want to FEEL, I didn't want to THINK. My life had no value tp anyone, not to my family or my so called friends. I just didn't have the guts to do it, myself, so I had an 'incidental suicide' backup plan... junkies, OD and die, so there. Once I came to MY reality, I knew it was time to get clean and sober it was 2006, I was 33 and I was no more grown up or part of any damn solution than I was at 13! I was sick with shame and desperately wanted to change my life. For just a single day at a time, strung together, with the help of a program of recovery, I've managed to live without those illicit pills, powders, and potions I was running on for years! I made a vow to not put "man-made chemicals" in my body again. Since learned it is a difficult lifestyle to achieve and most difficult to maintain without some sort of HELP or support. Since becoming clean and sober, my goal has been to live a clean life, and adding to that, free of any mood or mind altering pharmaceuticals. This includes medications for ADHD, anxiety, depression, and against all mental health providers' advice, bipolar medications. I don't recommend this choice to everyone, ALWAYS consult with your medical and mental health providers before adding cannabis to your regimen and note that I am merely sharing my own journey as it pertains to how I've regained control of my life after addiction and with severe chronic pain. I began using cannabis (again, as an adult) when I was 7 years clean and sober. U had recently completed a two week hospital stay. I believe it was a nervous breakdown of sorts, Stark raving sober, I was! This was following the death of a family member. I've never handled death well, so I refuse to get too close to people, today, After the funeral, I packed my car with anything that mattered, I moved to Florida where I knew NOBODY but I stayed connected via social media, Fentanyl hit the streets and I read about dozens of friends, one after another, sometimes 3 in a week, People I met, friends I made throughout my life and within my journey of recovery, all lost to opioid overdoses, alcoholism, and suicide,
These people were labeled as drunks, fuckups, misfits, scumbags, losers, junkies... Addiction is heavy, like a giant cloak made of lead. Beneath each addict is an identity, there were dreams, there was love, and hurt feelings, deep emotional pain, and obvious trauma. These people were my friends. they still matter to me, their deaths cannot be in vain! I need to do something, but how, the risk of being around my friends still using is too high for me. I have to use my gift in a way that will reach more people. I want to help people, I want to make it my mission to help people get away from dangerous pharmaceuticals and street drugs. I want them to know that they can have their lives back! More and more people in recovery are learning that when properly administered, cannabis is paramount for treating pain, anxiety, depression, PTSD, among others. For those coming from a world of illicit drugs and addiction, cannabis may not seem like the ideal option, We often have a hard time feeling like we are truly sober if we are using cannabis. You work your recovery the way that is healthiest for you. I know hundreds of SOBER, sober people that live happy, fulfilled lives. They too are my friends. We can ALL live harmoniously!! If cannabis plays a role in your "recovery", stick around and keep on reading my blog! If cannabis doesn't play a role, I invite you to read on anyway. I love you all the same. You may learn something, and remember, knowledge is power. Much Love.
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